I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. And while that is AA rhetoric, I’m not talking AA here. I spent the weekend, from Friday night through Sunday night physically feeling like crap to a greater or lesser extent. It wasn’t fun for me, and it certainly wasn’t fun for Tom, who kindly spent the weekend with me.

I peg the beginning of this thing (and I don’t have a diagnosis yet) in December of last year. During the convention. It might have started before that, but I’m not sure. I spent one whole day in Toronto feeling dragged out and like warmed over shit. Fortunately it was the day of the movies, so I bummed around the hotel and Mel and Leanan went off to the movies. I’d seen them before, so I didn’t miss anything.

It’s been happening on and off since then, usually a couple times a month or so. I won’t go into much detail here because, Eww… but it starts with intestinal distress and goes downhill from there. At first that was all it was. Then my stomach got involved. Then, this weekend, my whole body has decided to join in the game. I was tired, foggy brained, achy and grumpy (though that was probably just because I’d felt like crap for so long).

I’m not sure what’s going on, but checking my symptoms online, I figure it’s some sort of inflammatory bowel syndrome. I think it might be karmic retribution for talking behind a friend’s back in highschool. He got diagnosed with Chrone’s, and speaking from my ass (as I often did in highschool, no pun intended) I wondered why he didn’t just do things like he always did? What’s a little discomfort? Um… yeah. If what I have is anything like what he did, I’ve got a much better clue why he isolated. It’s difficult to go out when you don’t know how you’ll feel when you get there. The Haight Street Fair is not quick-access bathroom friendly. If you know what I mean. And I think you do.

All whining aside, I’m trying to keep going out and doing things. I did go to the Haight Street Fair yesterday. It was such a beautiful day, sunny and warm, how could I pass up a street fair full of smelly hippies? I only got offered pot and psychadelics once each, but good times were had. There are few places better for people watching than the Haight. It was my first sober street fair, and that was quite an experience. Preparation for Pride weekend and Folsom street, I suppose. I missed the alcohol, but not as much as I thought I was. There’s something to be said for remembering the whole experience.

I got a video from the SF Vegetarians about Factory Farming. In my quest to become a vegetarian on my own terms, I figured I’d better get some education. Time will tell whether this changes my mind or not. The thing is, I *know* eating meat is wrong from a perfectly ethical standpoint because of the way we treat the animals before they become food. But I just don’t seem to care enough. Tom finds this lack of care distressing, and I do too, a bit. I’m not an unfeeling person. So why doesn’t it bother me that a living being has to suffer and die for the food I eat?

In other news… there has been more talk about getting hitched. Tom admitted to thinking about it, and there was a bit of real planning. I’m excited. Now we just need to make it formal.

Posted on June 14th, 2004 by Kat
Filed under: General