By the end of the day on Friday, I had begun to expect a rejection from Circle of Care. They had sounded like they wanted to make a quick decision, and I had been unable to find a supervisor who was willing to volunteer their time. During my afternoon session with Wendy, we discussed my habit of waiting until the last minute to do something (apply for college, apply for grad school, apply for a transfer in undergrad…). I think I used it as a way to keep from taking rejection personally. So I didn’t get into X… it wasn’t because they didn’t want me, it was because I applied so late. They didn’t have the time to accept me. Or they couldn’t find a supervisor.

I started thinking about where else I would apply for an internship and whether or not it was too late in the year to find one at all. I was working up quite a good disappointed pout, as well. I felt like Circle of Care would be such a good match, both for what I need to do in terms of hours I need to gather, and what I want to do. I could work with kids and adolescents without having to give up my focus on grief and loss.

Fortunately Emily and her husband, Arnaud, were in town from France this weekend, so I couldn’t spend the whole time whining. We spent all day Sunday sightseeing - from breakfast in Noe Valley to the Sutro baths, to Golden Gate Park (and the Arboretum), to Twin Peaks, to a trip down Lombard Street, drinks in Vesuvio, shopping at City Lights, and dinner in Japantown, and finally icecream in Ghirardelli Square. It was a jam-packed day. Showing Arnaud around San Francisco was a great time. I didn’t get as much time one-on-one with Emily as I would have preferred, but the time we did get was all the more special. She’s feeling a bit homesick in France, and it was hard for me not to encourage her to come back to the states. To the West Coast! I miss having her close by, and am frustrated with myself that I didn’t spend more time with her while we were in the same area in undergrad.

I’m proud of her, though, moving out of the States and to Paris. She’s learned French, got a job, and is making a life for herself (with Arnaud, of course) in another country. This is a big step for anyone. And one I’m probably too chicken to make myself.

Yesterday afternoon, though, I got a call from Gayle at Circle of Care. They offered me the internship! She called me on my cell while I was driving home from work. Fortunately I didn’t hear the phone in time, so I didn’t answer right away, else I might have gotten into a car accident in my joy. As it was, I did a totally squee-worthy happy dance in my car when I got the message and didn’t care that the people next to me at the stoplight were giving me strange looks. I have the internship! I’m going to be doing what I love. My life will no longer revolve around the computer, AA and dealing with psychotic co-workers.

Now all I have to do is tell my boss. This is not something I’m looking forward to. I was up-front with the fact that I’d stay for between a year and two years when I interviewed for the job. It’s been a year and 7 months, so I’m not being terrible. But it’s hard - just today she told me how much she appreciates me and how much she depends on me. I feel like I’m letting her down.

On the other hand, I’m doing an ‘I’m free!’ dance.

Posted on August 24th, 2004 by Kat
Filed under: General