I’m still trying to digest the whole Burning Man experience, even this far out from the event. I’ve been home now for two full weeks, nearly three. I’ve been meaning to write about it, but every time I sit down in front of the computer screen and begin to type, I feel like I can’t quite capture what I want to say.

Burning Man was not what I’d expected, which is to say - it is what I should have expected. Everyone who had been told me it would be nothing like what I expected - no matter what that was. And it was true.

Tom and I set out on Saturday late in the afternoon. We had spent the morning with the Spock Mountain folks loading up the Big Ass Truck (BAT). Our drive out was relatively uneventful. We stopped for dinner at Togo’s and got sandwiches, then pushed through to Reno, NV where we met up with most of the rest of the Spock Mountain folks for beer and snacks. We discovered that the BAT had gotten delayed and they weren’t supposed to reach Black Rock any time before 1am. I suggested Tom and I stay the night in Reno (hoping for one last night in a real bed with a flush toilent where I could have my worm attack in peace). Perhaps seeing my desperation, Tom agreed and we spent the night at the West Villiage Inn in Sparks, NV. Very classy establishment (or something). We got free drink cards (which Tom took full advantage of) and played slots for a while before crashing.

Sunday morning, to my dismay, we got up bright and early and continued our trek out to Black Rock. It was a beautiful, blue sky sunny day. Perfect weather, though a bit hot. Tom was practically squirming in his seat by the time we came in sight of the playa. He knew he’d come home, and was more than happy to be there. The line to get in was pretty short, since we were coming a day early. The greeters were friendly; Tom told them I was a Burning Man virgin, so a woman pulled me out of the car and had me ring a newbie bell. I was too short, but several people helped me up and I managed to ring the bell. The woman offered a spanking, but I must have looked too nervous because she said she was kidding. Disappointing, I tell you… she was quite cute.

We’d just passed the line when Tom got a hold of Johnnie, Sam and the others who had already arrived. They asked whether the truck was with us… and we hit the first snag of the trip. The BAT was lost. Since there was no cellphone service in Black Rock City, we had no clue what had happened to LiquorPig (the driver) or the truck. There was a bit of concern, considering the truck held our food, our supplies for building the shack, and several people’s camping gear. Fortunately they had only had a tire blow out. After some hassle getting a new tire the BAT was back on the road and they arrived late Sunday afternoon.

It took me quite some time to get acclimated to both the desert weather and the people we camped with. The first few days were hot, but not horribly so, and I spent most of my time hiding out in our huge tent or the back of the shack reading. I made my way through several books (three truly horrible VC Andrews novels, the Death of Ivan Ilyich, and a Charles de Lint novel) over the entire week.

On Tuesday I decided to attend an AA meeting in the evening. It wasn’t easy being sober with the Spock Mountain crew. They aren’t known for their temperance. It was the best decision I’d made. Being in a small group of people, some of who were having a hard time acclimating too, gave me a new way in to Burning Man. It started to feel more personal, like something I could be a part of instead of a huge amorphous thing. I found that the meeting grounded me, and I moved into the rest of the week feeling much more comfortable.

Tom and I tended to spend our days hanging out around the shack, and went out exploring after dark, when things cooled off. We explored the surrounding camps, went out to the Man, got a ride on a little art car, checked out the Center Camp cafe, wandered through Spike’s Vampire Bar, and tried to avoid freezing to death. It got quite cold at night. We danced at a rave camp - gotta love when you can feel the bass through your whole body, watched women dancing in cages, watched a woman and a man perform an arial ballet on silk scarves hanging high above the crowd - with no safety net. That was one of the most stunning things I’ve seent. They could pose in such amazing ways…. We saw several people spinning poi - which I’d love to learn to do. It’s beautiful to watch someone dance with fire.

One day we headed out to the Temple, which was an amazing structure. I simply can’t put it into words. I’ll post a pic or two here… but it was one of the most spiritual places I had found . I took one of the wooden circles they had left out for people to write or draw on and put my prayer on it. It was burned with the Temple on Sunday night. Tom and I didn’t stay for the Temple burn (I was ready to go) but if I go again, I definitely will.

We saw some of the art installations in the deep playa, which I found rather arty-farty for my taste. I didn’t understand any of them… and they didn’t seem to touch me as I had hoped. But on our way back into the city, we stopped under a huge neon painted fish and met a Shaman. He looked like a mix of Jerry Garcia and Santa Claus. He offered to take Tom and my picture, and then asked if we’d like him to balance our energy. Of course I agreed. Tom wasn’t so keen on it, skeptic that he is. But he participated anyway, perhaps swept up in the Burning Man spirit. The three of us joined hands and I could feel the heat coming through the Shaman’s right hand, into my left hand and through my arm. Tom didn’t feel it - possibly because it had to go through me to get to him. When I felt I’d had enough, the Shaman suggested I step back and let him finish with Tom alone so he could get the unfiltered energy. I think Tom felt abandoned when I stepped away, but he went along with it. After we biked away, he said he hadn’t felt anything, but I felt more energized and in a better mood than I had been all day. It was exactly the kind of experience I’d been looking forward to.

We hadn’t gone far past the shaman when an angel with blue hair came out to speak to me. He was Gabriel, one of the Angels of Acknowledgment. He asked if I’d been Acknowledged yet. I hadn’t, so he urged me into their tent. Tom tried to get me to skip it, claiming I had to hurry to get to my AA meeting (which I did, but I didn’t want to miss out on an angel experience!). Gabriel asked me my name, and to tell him one thing I’d done recently that I should be acknowledged for. At first I couldn’t think of a thing - but then I said I’d made flags for the AA camp. He looked me right in the eyes, and said something like, “I acknowledge you Kat, for making the flags for the AA camp. I can see that you are a warm and friendly person, and you like to do things for other people.” He held my hands, and just stood with me for a bit. I felt slightly embarrassed, but also… seen, in a strange way. Again, it was the type of thing I had been looking forward to. Gabriel said he would put my name and my acknowledgement on the scroll they were making and it would be burned with the temple next year. He offered to acknowledge Tom, but Tom was having none of it. Gabriel gave me an angel stamp on my shoulder and Tom and I headed off.

The climax of the week was the Burning of the Man on Saturday night. At first I didn’t plan to go out on the playa to watch - I figured I’d watch from the roof of the BAT, but Johnnie encouraged me to go out since I’d never seen it before. Tom and I stood back far enough that we weren’t in the thick of the crowd, but close enough to see. It was amazing… It took a long time for him to burn. I tried to capture it in pictures, but even they don’t do it justice.

Like the whole week, the Burn is an event that needs to be experienced to be understood. I think it means something different to everyone that goes. For me, it was a way to push myself beyond my limits. To go out and do something, even though my body has been having issues, even though I don’t like crowds, even though the environment is harsh… It’s also a place where my differences are accepted, and my oddities encouraged. I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not. It might not feel like home yet, but I’m sure if I go again it will feel welcoming.

Tom was right - I’m glad I went. It’s an experience everyone should have at least once.

Posted on September 21st, 2004 by Kat
Filed under: General