It’s been a rough month and I’m still trying to figure out whether or not I’ve survived it. So far I’m thinking no. I was telling Wendy that I think maybe I need to go back on the meds, but she thinks that this is a normal reaction to all of the change that’s been going on here. It’s been feeling like a lot.

We’ve managed to move just about everything from the old house. There are a few pieces of furniture we left for the open houses, and Tom still needs to move his work bench and a couple of things in the basement, but everything else is moved. Unpacking is a different story (very different), so we won’t talk about that and pretend the pile of boxes isn’t procreating while Tom and I sleep. That said, the new house doesn’t feel exactly like home yet. Yes our stuff is here, the dogs are here, our DSL is finally connected… but it’s just not the same. It still feels too new.

I’ve finally finished my tenure at the paying job, which gives me more time to procrastinate on the writing I should be doing. My procrastination possibilities are endless, actually. I can avoid typing up progress notes, unpacking Tom’s boxes, walking the dogs, calling Emily, writing, making a dentist appointment, finishing wedding planning and other such exciting things. Every now and again I do something productive and that makes me smile. Today I completed a CSI fanfic that I’ve been contemplating for ages - sadly it didn’t come out as well as I’d hoped. I might have to revisit it sometime in the future to try again.

The old house is on the market and we’ve managed to get more offers that either one of us had expected. Now we’re just hoping that the sale goes through with less trauma than this house entailed. After all, we already had to get married for this house, what would we have to do for the old one, get divorced? I supposed I’d better not joke about it.

The internship has been causing me stress too. I’ve decided that working in the schools isn’t for me. Juggling teachers, parents and the school psychologist as well as kids makes me nutty. The school psychologist has been talking to my clients and they tell her something different than what they tell me… and then she second guesses all of my work and pokes at me for not ‘doing it right’. She wants a more directive approach, but our agency does non-directive play therapy. The clash between the ideologies shouldn’t be taking place between us, but between the agency and the school. Of course, it did - before we started working there, but it’s all coming back again. Her commentary is making me second guess myself, and doubt my ability.

Combine that with the anxiety and depression and I’m considering throwing in the therapy towel and stick to the writing I’m not doing. Why doesn’t watching CSI and writing fanfiction pay a liveable wage? If a president put that on their platform, I’d vote for them. Even if they were Republican.

Posted on March 22nd, 2005 by Kat
Filed under: General