Saturday was my 30th birthday. I didn’t have any special plans and, unfortunately, I was sick with what I figure is the Avian Flu so I didn’t even have a night of debauchery. The biggest event of the day? Going to our friends J & K’s house for their son’s third birthday party. I did get to play on a moon bounce, though. Nothing like a good bounce to brighten even the most under the weather day.

This birthday has been in the periphery of my awareness for some time now. I haven’t dreaded it, exactly. I don’t feel old because I’m thirty… but I do feel like I’m supposed to be an adult now. I’m not sure what it is about this partitcula r birthday that feels that way. Maybe it’s because I’m married and considering kids. I’m not in school anymore. I’m a home owner (with Tom, of course). There’s something about thirty that tells me it’s time to quit screwing around because this is the real thing. Not that I know what it means to be an adult, but I think I’m learning.

It’s time to do something about my career. I need to either put up or shut up. Write, become a therapist, throw both away and keep being an administrative assistant. It’s time to make a decision and really throw everything I have into it instead of hanging back and second guessing everything.

I feel like I’ve got a handle on my marriage with Tom (though I’m still not perfect at rememberingn to call him ‘husband’). Yes, sometimes we have arguments and fights, but overall we’re happy together. We’ve worked through so much, I figure we can get through just about anything. I think our biggest saving grace is our shared sense of humor. We both find the same stuff funny (excluding stupid movies, which he loves and I can’t stand) and we both have the ability to laugh at ourselves. As well as each other, which comes in handy too.

I’m taking the plunge and trying to get pregnant. Considering having a kid, with all of the responsibility and changes that entails, feels like a part of adulthood.

Finally, getting things out in the open with Dad feels like a part of this too. I’m slowly learning to voice what I need from him and to give up the hope that my silence will foster a relationship. I’m hoping that I can eventually learn to relate to him on a more adult level, rather than as the child who is always hoping for her Daddy to be there.

This birthday felt like a milestone. We’ll see what the year holds. I’m looking forward to it, for a change.

Posted on February 27th, 2006 by Kat
Filed under: General