Great googly-moogly, if I’m this horrible about updating my journal pre-baby, I don’t want to think about what things are going to be like post-baby. Updating in a much more sporadic manner possibly won’t even be considered updating anymore. I guess I’ve still got some time to get myself together and make a better attempt at regular entries. Or something like that.

The fog of morning sickness and fatigue that lingered through the first trimester and the very beginning of this one has finaly lifted. There have been a couple of days where I feel sick-ish, and another few days where I still want a nap in the middle of the afternoon, but both have been quite different than the overwhelming crapishness of before. Thank God for that. Oddly enough, it’s not until recently (when I started feeling better) that I realize how crappy I had been feeling. It was a bit like being depressed, in that I didn’t have a clear picture of what was going on with me at the time. Part of the reason I’m writing this here is to remind myself later - if I’m not careful, I don’t notice how bad things get with me. I need to pay attention to myself, ask for help when I need it - and also depend on my friends and my family to give me an objective opinion.

Not only am I feeling better physically, but my mood has improved immensely as well. Yes, I think the two are related. And there’s probably some hormones mixed in there as well. And the fact that Tom was away in China, but now he’s back. And his brother has been out of the house for a while - so we finally have our own space again. And I’m starting (slowly) to build a community at Congregation Sha’ar Zahav. But most importantly: today was my ultrasound where we see how baby is growing, get a better look at what’s going on inside, and (most fun of all) find out the sex.

I’d scheduled the appointment for first thing in the morning so Tom could come with me and still get into work at a reasonable hour. Unfortunately this meant I needed to wake up bright and early so I could drink a bucket of water before the appointment. By the time we got to the hospital I thought I was going to float away. We only had to wait for about fifteen minutes or so and then we were called in. When I went in, the tech asked how my bladder was doing - I said I was okay, but needed to use the bathroom soon. She took a few pictures of the brain (and commented that yes, I was quite full. No kidding!) and then let me go to the bathroom. Ah, relief. Then I could relax and truly take in what I was seeing.

It was amazing. I hadn’t realized how much one could see with just an ultrasound. We saw the brain (fuzzy, but there. Tom asked how the babe would do on the SAT. Heh.), we saw the kidneys, we saw the heart (all four chambers), we saw it beat. We saw the stomach - a bit full. Apparently the babe had breakfast with me. Fingers, toes, eyes, nose, lips… And once we got a full on glimpse of the face. Alien baby! I was expecting it, since I read “Misconceptions” by Naomi Wolfe, but Tom thought it was totally weird. Which it was. In the regular shots neither Tom nor I got a good look at the between-the-legs area… but then the tech got a particularly clear shot. She pointed everything out (pelvis, butt, legs) but the shot was so clear I think both Tom and I figured it out on our own. It was pretty obvious. We’re having a boy!

In the past couple of weeks I’d had the vagues feeling that I might be having a girl. Nothing close to certainty, but the one name that floated into my mind was for a girl. Even so, I didn’t even have a second of disappointment. I was thrilled. Tom was thrilled. Neither of us had a preference, we were just happy to be having a baby. But there’s something about knowing that makes everything feel more real. When I said that to Mom she said that knowing the sex made the baby more of an individual. Exactly how I’d been feeling. This isn’t just a blob of cells in me, not just something floating around inside. A real, potential human.

I am unbelievably excited about this. I worried I wasn’t going to be excited about this pregnancy ever again. That I’d spend all nine months anxious and wondering if I’d done something totally insane. Fortunately, not. For the first time in a long time, I am thrilled. How am I going to wait another 20-some weeks to meet the boy?

Posted on September 6th, 2007 by Kat
Filed under: pregnancy, General