Dear Tai ~

I’d meant to write you monthly letters, at least for the first year of your life. Here I am, two weeks late (halfway between months) actually sitting down and writing. I’m sure it won’t be the last time I’m late in doing something I had planned for you. Hopefully I’ll be able to hold to my good intentions as you grow up, even if it’s not in a timely fashion, and even if it doesn’t turn out the way I’d hoped. After all, I know I’m not going to be a perfect mother. I’d just like to be good enough.

The past six weeks has been quite a journey for both of us. Your birth didn’t go as I’d planned (are there any that do?) but it was an experience I treasure none-the-less. After all, it gave me you - healthy, happy, sweet. It’s taken me most of these weeks to grasp that it was *you* inside me for all of those months. What a strange thing, and so amazing. I can barely imagine you fitting in there. But one thing makes it clear - when you stretch, slowly and luxuriously, arms above your head. I have felt that movement before, so many times, but from the inside. Growing a baby is such a commonplace miracle.

In the last week you seem to have grown in huge leaps, and I don’t just mean physically. Though I certainly don’t have to wonder if you’re getting enough milk from nursing. You aren’t the skinny little thing you were when you were born. You’ve got pudgy cheeks and a double chin. Even your arms and legs are gaining weight. I love to nibble your fingers and toes and to razz your round belly. You are starting to lose the hair you were born with, though you aren’t bald yet. More like you have a tonsure, which combined with your belly and your fat cheeks make you look a bit like I imagine Friar Tuck to look.

But better, you’ve started to smile when either Daddy or I smile at you. You grin with your whole face, your whole body. You twist with pleasure. You open and close your mouth as though you’re trying to talk to us… and sometimes you manage a few sounds. You concentrate with your tongue. You are beginning to communicate even now.

You made your first long car trip - accompanying Grandma T and me down to her house in Palm Desert. You are a true member of my family, as you demonstrated by sleeping for much of the rides both ways. You didn’t even mind when Little Dog curled up with you in your car seat and slept at your feet. And you let Violetta puppy lick you and ply her nibbling teeth on your fingers and toes. You were quite patient through a poopy blow out and spitting up on the front seat when I didn’t burp you quickly enough. You went swimming for the first time, and discovered that you like the water. You fell in love with the ceiling fan in Grandma’s living room, and the bird sculptures in our bedroom. You smiled at and tried to talk to them both. And you spent at least fifteen minutes watching an Easter Bunny balloon - in one sitting.

And for the first time you were away from your Daddy. He had to go to China and so you were separated for a week. He missed you immensely, though we did have nightly webcam chats. You didn’t recognize him on the computer, but you heard his voice and you knew it was your Daddy. You missed him, too.

According to Grandma’s friend Judy, who is a nurse, at 6 weeks you have crossed the line and are no longer a newborn. It feels like you’ve been with me forever and for only a few days. I am so excited to watch you grow.

Love always,
Your Momma

Posted on March 20th, 2008 by Kat
Filed under: Letters to Tai, Tai, General